And don't worry if you can't. There will be more days to live.
These past days I have been reading a lot of blogs with New Years Resolutions. All the post were wonderful, thoughtful, profound, wise. It seems to me that a lot of people are in some sort of transition from one stage in their lives to the next.
I don't know about you, but I know a lot of people who would love to forget about 2010. Or maybe not forget, but who are very eager to embrace this new year that is ahead of us. Who have had a hard time during the past year. Of course I need to include myself and my family as well. It was a hard year for all of us, but at the same time it has not really affected the way I feel about happiness, love, life and death. There has not (yet?) been a 'lightbulb moment' so to say. A friend of mine pointed out to me that this probably means that life was good before my heartattack. That I was on the right track. Relationship wise, friends wise, life wise.
This got me thinking a little, because I think she is right. But how does a person do this? Going through some sort of personal hell and yet keeping faith in whatever you believe in. Honestly I know quiet a few people who just can't seem to move on, to let go, to grow. Who just keep living the life of a victim. Probably all of you know some of these 'toxic' people. I have promissed to myself that I would never turn out like that.
What can I do to grow? What can I do to keep on living my life in a good way? How can I lead a good life? A good life for me, for the people around me and for the world I live in? How can I sink deeper in Being? (Sorry, my Heideggerian-philosophy mind is speaking up again.) Honestly, I don't know. Sometimes I wish I could grab the meaning of life. The recipe, to thread to all the answers. But of course that is impossible.
This sometimes makes me sad or gives me a feeling of slight panic. What if I die and not know anything? Not believe anything?
Writing this post makes me realize that I don't know what I want to say/ask/know. But in the past year I experienced the fact that life is not to be taken for granted. Truly feeling this deep down, fuels the need/the wish/the urge to do something significant. I feel the urge, I don't know the direction yet.
To be continued.